.png)
“I thought I had already worked through this.”
“Are we back at square one?”
If you’ve ever wondered about this in therapy, you're not alone.
Healing isn’t a straight path forward. It’s a winding road that may not always have a clear path but a journey ahead with many surprising obstacles, ones you don’t even know exist until you’re upon them.
Sometimes, progress feels unmistakable—like a breakthrough, a light bulb moment, or a long-awaited sense of relief. Other times, it feels like you’re right back where you started, stuck in patterns you thought you had outgrown.
But here’s the truth: setbacks often show deeper transformation at work.
The Myth of Linear Healing
Most of us unconsciously expect healing to follow a clear trajectory—learn the lesson, make the change, feel better, and move on. Simple, right? Except that’s not how emotions, relationships, or personal growth actually work.
Therapy isn’t about flipping a switch; it’s about rewiring patterns that have often existed for years or even decades. And like any big change, this process is rarely neat. It’s more like peeling back layers, each revealing something new, sometimes unexpected, that needs attention before true healing can take hold.
Why Growth Can Feel Like a Setback
So why does progress sometimes feel like you’re moving backward?
Revisiting Old Wounds Means You’re Ready for Deeper Work.
You’re not regressing—you’re circling back with new awareness. What felt “healed” before may have been just one layer of the experience. Now, you can go deeper to process what you couldn’t before.
Discomfort Often Signals Change.
Growth shakes things up. As you step out of old coping mechanisms, it can feel foreign. Your nervous system, habits, and relationships may resist change at first. That discomfort isn’t failure—it’s evidence that something is shifting.
You’re Noticing What You Used to Ignore.
Sometimes, it feels like things are getting worse when, in reality, you’re just more aware. The patterns were always there, but now you’re seeing them clearly—which means you’re in a position to change them.
How to Recognize Progress (Even When It Feels Invisible)
Healing doesn’t always come with grand epiphanies. More often, it shows up in subtle ways:
Pausing before reacting. You may still feel triggered, but if you take a breath before responding, that’s progress.
Feeling emotions more deeply. It can be painful, but allowing yourself to feel instead of numbing or avoiding is a sign of growth.
Questioning old beliefs. You're already rewriting the script when you start noticing internalized messages and challenging them.
Progress isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about becoming more aware, intentional, and equipped to navigate those complex experiences, conversations, and choices.
Embracing the Nonlinear Path
If therapy feels messy, that doesn’t mean it’s not working. Healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about becoming more of who you truly are.
So the next time you feel like you’ve taken a step backward, ask yourself:
What am I noticing now that I didn’t before?
How am I responding differently, even if it’s subtle?
What if this moment isn’t a failure but part of my much-needed growth?
Transformation doesn’t always feel like progress, but every step, even the messy ones, is part of the journey.
Just like pulling back a bow propels it forward, it’s entirely possible that what you deem a “setback” is needed to experience that well-deserved growth within your most important relationships - and yourself.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I help individuals, couples, and families better understand their growth experiences and implement constructive changes into their daily lives and relationships as they progress in therapy.
If you'd like to learn more about my work or have questions regarding your decision to begin relationship therapy, you can set up a free 20-minute consultation directly from my website.
Comments